How to Get Over Someone: 8 Real Steps That Actually Work
You're here because someone broke your heart. Maybe they ended things. Maybe you were never together but you can't stop thinking about them. Maybe you're still in love with someone who doesn't love you back.
And you're tired. Tired of checking their Instagram at 2 AM. Tired of feeling your stomach drop when you see their name. Tired of pretending you're fine when someone asks how you're doing.
Here's the truth: getting over someone sucks. There's no magic trick that makes the pain go away overnight. But there is a way forward. And yes, you will feel okay again. I promise.
You're Not Alone: The Reality of Heartbreak
of people check their ex's social media after a breakup
months is the average time to fully heal from a serious relationship
of people say they eventually got over someone they thought they never would
What you're feeling is normal. And yes, you will get through this.
Why Getting Over Someone Feels Impossible
Before we talk about how to move on from someone, you need to understand why it's so hard. This isn't about being weak or dramatic. Your brain is literally working against you.
When you're attached to someone, your brain treats them like a need, not just a want. The neurotransmitter dopamine floods your system when you're with them or even thinking about them. It's the same chemical involved in addiction. So when they're suddenly gone, your brain goes into withdrawal.
Your daily routine probably involved them in a hundred small ways. Morning texts. Weekend plans. Inside jokes. All those little moments created patterns in your brain. Breaking those patterns feels like losing part of yourself.
You also might be holding onto hope. Maybe they'll change their mind. Maybe they'll realize what they lost. Maybe if you just wait a little longer, things will be different. That hope keeps you stuck.
The Healing Timeline: What to Expect
Week 1-2: The Crisis Phase
Shock, denial, constant crying. You can't believe it's over. Your brain is in survival mode. This is the hardest part.
Week 3-4: The Anger Stage
Reality hits. You're angry at them, yourself, the situation. You might want to reach out. Don't. This is normal.
Month 2-3: The Fog Lifts
You have good days mixed with bad ones. You start thinking about them less. Small moments of joy return. Keep going.
Month 4-6: Rebuilding
You feel like yourself again. New routines stick. You can think about them without crying. You're ready to move forward.
Month 6+: The New Normal
They're a memory, not a wound. You're genuinely happy. You're open to love again. You made it through.
⚠️ Everyone's timeline is different. This is just a general guide. Be patient with yourself.
How to Stop Thinking About Someone: 8 Steps That Work
Step 1: Accept That It's Really Over
The hardest part of moving on after a breakup is accepting that it's done. Not "on a break." Not "maybe someday." Over.
Stop replaying conversations looking for clues about what went wrong. Stop creating scenarios where they come back. Stop bargaining with reality.
This doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. It just means you stop fighting the truth. They're not coming back. And that reality is where your healing starts.
What to do: Write down "It's over" ten times. Say it out loud. Let yourself cry. But stop living in a version of reality that doesn't exist anymore.
Step 2: Go No Contact (Yes, Really)
I know you want to stay friends. I know you think checking in every few weeks is harmless. It's not.
Every text, every phone call, every Instagram story you watch resets your healing. You can't get over someone you're still talking to.
Block their number. Unfollow them on social media. Delete old texts. I'm not saying forever, but for now, you need distance.
If you share kids or work together, keep it strictly business. No late-night talks about feelings. No coffee "to catch up."
The exception: If you have children together or work in the same small office, keep interactions brief and focused on practical matters only.
Step 3: Remove the Reminders
That sweatshirt they left. The playlist you made together. Photos of you two kissing at that concert. Get rid of it all.
You don't have to throw everything away if you're not ready. Put it in a box. Give it to a friend to hold. Store it somewhere you won't see it every day.
Clear your social media too. Untag yourself from couple photos. Mute mutual friends who post about them. You're not being dramatic. You're protecting your peace.
Step 4: Let Yourself Feel Everything
You're going to be sad. Angry. Confused. Relieved. Then sad again. All of that is normal.
Don't try to skip the grieving part. You can't think your way out of heartbreak. You have to feel your way through it.
Cry in your car. Scream into a pillow. Write angry letters you never send. Call your best friend at midnight. Whatever you need to do (that isn't destructive), do it.
What helps: When the pain feels overwhelming, try the 3-3-3 rule for anxiety. Name three things you see, three sounds you hear, and move three body parts. It brings you back to the present moment.
Daily Survival Checklist (Print This!)
Check off each item daily for the first 30 days. Small actions lead to big healing.
This is the hardest but most important one
Fresh air, sunshine, movement helps your brain heal
Even when you're not hungry, your body needs fuel
Text, call, or see a friend. Don't isolate.
Read, walk, hobby, anything that brings you peace
Even small things count (coffee, sunshine, your dog)
Struggling to check even one box? That's a sign you might need professional support. There's no shame in asking for help.
Step 5: Stop Making Them Perfect in Your Head
When you're trying to figure out how to get over someone, your brain does something sneaky. It forgets all the bad parts and only remembers the good.
You forget how they criticized you. How they never wanted to do the things you loved. How they always picked the restaurant and never asked what you wanted.
Get a notebook. Write down every time they let you down. Every red flag you ignored. Every moment you felt small or unheard. Read it when you start missing them.
This isn't about hating them. It's about seeing the relationship clearly.
Step 6: Rebuild Your Identity
You probably changed yourself to fit into their life. We all do it. You watched shows you didn't like. Skipped activities you loved. Made yourself smaller to make the relationship work.
Now you get to remember who you are without them.
What did you stop doing when you were together? What dreams did you put on hold? What version of yourself did you lose?
Start taking yourself on dates. Go to that class you've been curious about. Spend a Saturday morning doing exactly what you want. Reconnect with the parts of yourself that got quiet.
Remember: Individual therapy can help you rediscover who you are outside of relationships. Sometimes talking to someone who isn't emotionally involved makes all the difference.
Step 7: Build New Routines
Every Saturday morning, you used to get coffee together. Sunday nights were for watching movies on the couch. Thursday evenings you'd text about your day.
Those routines are now painful reminders. So you need new ones.
Plan something different for the times you'd normally miss them most. Call a friend during your old phone-call time. Join a gym if weekends feel empty. Start a new hobby on the nights you used to see them.
Step 8: Consider Getting Professional Help
Sometimes getting over someone takes more than time and self-help articles. If you're dealing with signs of depression or can't function in daily life, it might be time to talk to someone.
Individual therapy gives you a safe space to process your feelings without judgment. A therapist can help you understand patterns in your relationships and why you're having such a hard time letting go.
Track Your Healing Journey
Check off the milestones as you reach them. Progress isn't linear, but you ARE moving forward.
💡 Pro tip: Screenshot this and check off boxes as you hit each milestone. Looking back at your progress helps on hard days.
What Keeps You Stuck: Mistakes to Avoid
Moving On: What Helps vs. What Hurts
How Long Does It Really Take?
Everyone wants a timeline. "When will I stop hurting?" The honest answer: it depends.
Some research suggests it takes about half the length of the relationship to fully move on. So if you dated for two years, expect about a year of healing. But that's not a rule. Some people bounce back in weeks. Others take years.
What matters more than time is what you do with it. You can spend six months wallowing and stalking their social media, or you can spend six months actively healing.
Signs you're healing:
You can see their name without your heart racing
You're genuinely happy when good things happen in your life
You can think about the relationship without crying
You're interested in meeting new people
You can sleep through the night without thinking about them
Bad days are less frequent and less intense
Signs you might need extra help:
It's been over six months and you can't function normally
You're experiencing symptoms of depression that won't lift
You're turning to alcohol or other substances to cope
You can't stop contacting them even though you know it's unhealthy
Every relationship ends the same way and you don't know why
When Professional Support Makes Sense
If reading articles and talking to friends isn't enough, that's okay. Sometimes moving on from someone requires professional support.
Individual counseling helps you understand why you're stuck. Maybe you have an anxious attachment style. Maybe you're replaying old patterns from childhood. Maybe you're dealing with anxiety and depression that's making everything harder.
A therapist can help you work through the grief, understand your relationship patterns, and build healthier approaches to love.
If you're noticing that depression is affecting your relationships or you're constantly feeling anxious about being alone, professional support might be exactly what you need.
Daily Actions for the First 30 Days
Week 1: Survival Mode
Delete their number
Remove them from social media
Put away photos and gifts
Tell close friends you need support
Let yourself cry as much as you need to
Keep a journal of your feelings
Use stress reduction techniques when the pain feels overwhelming
Week 2: Creating Distance
Avoid places you went together
Change your routines
Start one new hobby or activity
Reach out to one friend every day
Write down three things you didn't like about the relationship
Get outside for at least 20 minutes daily
Avoid alcohol if possible
Week 3: Rebuilding
Make plans for weekends (don't sit home alone)
Try something you've never done before
Focus on physical health (exercise, sleep, nutrition)
Continue journaling
Notice moments when you don't think about them
Celebrate small wins
Week 4: Moving Forward
Reflect on what you've learned about yourself
Write down what you want in a future relationship
Do something kind for yourself
Consider starting therapy if you're still struggling
Reconnect with old friends you lost touch with
Plan something to look forward to next month
When You're Ready to Date Again: What to Look For
Learn from this experience. Know what to avoid and what to seek.
🚩 Red Flags to Watch For
✅ Green Flags to Look For
Remember: If you keep dating people with the same red flags, consider working with a therapist. There might be patterns from your past affecting who you choose.
The Bottom Line on Getting Over Someone
Here's what no one tells you: moving on isn't linear. You'll have good days where you feel strong and confident. Then you'll smell their cologne on a stranger and completely fall apart.
That's normal. Healing isn't a straight line. It's messy and complicated and sometimes you take two steps forward and three steps back.
But if you stay no contact, remove the reminders, let yourself grieve, and focus on rebuilding your life, you will get there. One day you'll realize you haven't thought about them in a week. Then a month. Then you'll meet someone new and feel excited instead of scared.
The pain you're feeling right now won't last forever. You're going to be okay. Actually, you're going to be better than okay.
You deserve to feel whole again. And you will.
🆘 Emergency "I Want to Text Them" Toolkit
Save this for 2 AM when you're about to do something you'll regret
That text won't make you feel better. It will set you back weeks. Walk away from your phone for 10 minutes.
Get it all out. Then read it in the morning. I promise you won't send it. The feeling will pass.
Text a friend: "I need you to talk me out of texting them." A good friend will understand and help.
Read your list of red flags. Remember the bad times. You're not missing the real them, you're missing the fantasy.
Go for a walk, do 20 jumping jacks, take a cold shower. Your brain needs a reset, not a text conversation.
If you still want to text them after 15 minutes, set another timer. Keep doing this. The urge will pass.
If you keep having these urges and can't stop contacting them, that's a sign you need professional help. There's no shame in that. Talk to a therapist about breaking this cycle.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to get over someone you truly loved?
There's no fixed timeline for getting over someone. Some people start feeling better after a few months, while others need a year or more. It depends on how long you were together, how integrated they were in your life, and whether you're actively working on healing or avoiding the pain. Generally, the deeper the connection, the longer the healing process.
Can you get over someone while still seeing them?
It's extremely difficult to move on from someone if you still see them regularly. Every interaction reactivates your feelings and resets your healing progress. If you can't avoid them completely (coworkers, shared custody), keep interactions brief and professional. Don't engage in personal conversations or emotional discussions until you've had significant time apart.
How do you stop thinking about someone constantly?
To stop thinking about someone, you need to remove triggers and create new patterns. Block them on social media, delete old texts, and avoid places you went together. When thoughts of them pop up, acknowledge the feeling without dwelling on it, then redirect your attention to something else. Keep busy with activities, friends, and new hobbies. The thoughts will become less frequent over time.
Is it normal to still love someone but know you need to move on?
Yes, it's completely normal to still have feelings for someone even when you know the relationship isn't right for you. Love doesn't automatically disappear just because a relationship ends. You can love someone and still recognize that being with them isn't healthy or possible. Moving on doesn't mean you stop caring about them, it means choosing yourself and your future over a relationship that doesn't work.
Should you stay friends with someone you're trying to get over?
No, not initially. Trying to be friends immediately after a breakup usually keeps you emotionally attached and makes moving on harder. You need time and distance to heal before friendship is possible. Take at least 3-6 months of no contact. Once you've fully processed your feelings and feel genuinely indifferent about their dating life, then friendship might be possible.
What are the stages of getting over someone?
Most people go through similar stages: denial (hoping they'll come back), anger (at them or yourself), bargaining (trying to figure out what went wrong), sadness (grieving the loss), and eventually acceptance (recognizing it's over and feeling okay about it). You might cycle through these stages multiple times, and that's normal. Healing isn't linear.
When should you seek therapy for help getting over someone?
Consider therapy if it's been 6+ months and you're still struggling to function, if you're experiencing depression or anxiety symptoms, if you're using alcohol or substances to cope, if you can't stop contacting them despite knowing it's unhealthy, or if every relationship ends the same way and you don't understand why. A therapist can help you process the grief and identify patterns that keep you stuck.
How do you get over someone you never actually dated?
Getting over someone you never dated can be just as painful as a breakup because you're grieving what could have been. The same steps apply: go no contact, stop checking their social media, allow yourself to grieve, stop romanticizing them, and focus on building your own life. Remember that you fell for a version of them that might not even be real since you never got to see their flaws up close.
