✨ Evidence-Based Assessment

Conflict Style Quiz

Discover How You Handle Disagreements

Take this free assessment based on the Thomas-Kilmann model to understand your natural conflict style and learn strategies for healthier communication.

15 Questions
5 min To Complete
5 Style Types
100% Free & Private

Conflict Style Assessment

Discover how you naturally approach disagreements and conflicts

Instructions: For each scenario, choose the statement (A or B) that best describes how you would typically respond in a conflict situation. There are no right or wrong answers — just honest self-reflection about your natural tendencies.

Question 1 of 15 7%
Question 1 of 15
When you and a colleague disagree on how to approach a project:
Which response is more like you?
Question 2 of 15
When there's ongoing tension with a family member about holiday plans:
Which response is more like you?
Question 3 of 15
When you and your partner disagree about a major purchase:
Which response is more like you?
Question 4 of 15
When a friend makes a comment that bothers you:
Which response is more like you?
Question 5 of 15
When your team can't agree on which direction to take a project:
Which response is more like you?
Question 6 of 15
When someone takes credit for your idea in a meeting:
Which response is more like you?
Question 7 of 15
When your partner wants to spend the weekend differently than you do:
Which response is more like you?
Question 8 of 15
When there's a scheduling conflict with a coworker:
Which response is more like you?
Question 9 of 15
When you strongly disagree with your partner about how to handle a situation with your child:
Which response is more like you?
Question 10 of 15
When deciding where to go for dinner with friends who have different preferences:
Which response is more like you?
Question 11 of 15
When a neighbor does something that violates your property line:
Which response is more like you?
Question 12 of 15
When your sibling wants to divide family heirlooms in a way you disagree with:
Which response is more like you?
Question 13 of 15
When you and a business partner disagree on strategy:
Which response is more like you?
Question 14 of 15
When a friend asks for a favor that's inconvenient for you:
Which response is more like you?
Question 15 of 15
When negotiating the terms of a contract or agreement:
Which response is more like you?
Collaborating

Your Primary Conflict Style

Secondary Style: Compromising

Your Conflict Style Profile

Competing 0
Collaborating 0
Compromising 0
Avoiding 0
Accommodating 0

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        The Five Conflict Styles

        Based on the Thomas-Kilmann model, everyone tends to use one of five conflict-handling styles. Understanding your attachment style can also help explain your approach to conflict. Each style balances assertiveness (concern for your own needs) with cooperativeness (concern for others' needs).

        🦁 Competing

        High assertiveness, low cooperation. You pursue your own concerns at the other person's expense. Best for quick decisions or when you need to stand up for your rights.

        🤝 Collaborating

        High assertiveness, high cooperation. You work with others to find solutions that fully satisfy everyone. Best for important issues where both perspectives matter.

        ⚖️ Compromising

        Moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperation. You seek a middle ground where each person gives up something. Best when time is limited or as a backup approach.

        🐢 Avoiding

        Low assertiveness, low cooperation. You sidestep or postpone the conflict. Best for trivial issues or when emotions need to cool down first.

        🕊️ Accommodating

        Low assertiveness, high cooperation. You put the other person's concerns above your own. Best when preserving harmony matters more than the issue itself.

        Why Conflict Style Matters in Relationships

        How you handle conflict shapes your relationships more than almost any other factor. Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that it's not whether couples fight, but how they fight that predicts relationship success. Understanding your conflict style—and your partner's—is the first step toward healthier communication.

        Couples often fall into predictable patterns. One partner might pursue while the other withdraws (take our Pursuer-Withdrawer Quiz to learn more). Or conflicts might escalate due to stonewalling or the Four Horsemen of relationship conflict.

        Common Conflict Patterns

        • Avoider + Avoider: Issues pile up unaddressed until they explode
        • Competitor + Competitor: Power struggles and escalating arguments
        • Accommodator + Competitor: One partner's needs consistently unmet
        • Avoider + Competitor: Frustrating pursue-withdraw cycles
        • Collaborator + Collaborator: Productive but time-intensive discussions

        If you recognize unhealthy patterns in your relationship, couples counseling can help you develop healthier ways to navigate disagreements together.

        Frequently Asked Questions

        A conflict style is your default approach to handling disagreements and disputes. Based on the Thomas-Kilmann model, there are five main conflict styles: Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, and Accommodating. Each style represents a different balance between assertiveness (concern for your own needs) and cooperativeness (concern for others' needs).

        Yes! While everyone has a natural default style, you can absolutely learn to adapt your approach based on the situation. The most effective communicators use all five styles strategically. Therapy can help you develop this flexibility and understand why certain patterns feel so automatic. Our Fawn Response Quiz can also help identify if people-pleasing is affecting your conflict style.

        No single style is best for every situation. Collaborating often produces the best outcomes for important relationships but takes time. Competing might be necessary in emergencies. Avoiding is appropriate for trivial issues. The key is developing flexibility to choose the right style for each situation.

        Your conflict style significantly impacts your relationships. Chronic avoiding can lead to unresolved issues building resentment. Always competing can damage trust. Over-accommodating may leave your needs unmet. Understanding both your style and your partner's helps you navigate disagreements more effectively.

        People avoid conflict for many reasons: fear of confrontation, past negative experiences, anxiety about damaging relationships, or growing up in a home where conflict was either suppressed or explosive. While avoiding can be appropriate sometimes, chronic avoidance allows problems to grow. Individual therapy can help you understand the roots of your avoidance.

        Couples therapy provides a safe space to understand each partner's conflict style, learn healthier communication patterns, and develop strategies for resolving disagreements constructively. A therapist can help you identify negative patterns and replace them with more effective approaches. Learn more about our couples counseling →

        The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a widely-used assessment developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann in the 1970s. It measures behavior in conflict situations along two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. The TKI has been used by millions of people worldwide in organizational, therapeutic, and educational settings.

        Take More Relationship Assessments

        Attachment Style Quiz

        Discover your attachment style and how it affects your relationships.

        Pursuer-Withdrawer Quiz

        Identify your role in the pursue-withdraw relationship pattern.

        Stonewalling Quiz

        Learn if you or your partner tend to shut down during conflicts.

        Emotional Bids Quiz

        See how well you recognize and respond to connection attempts.

        Fawn Response Quiz

        Discover if people-pleasing is affecting your relationships.

        All Quizzes →

        Explore our full library of free relationship assessments.

        Ready to Improve Your Communication?

        Whether you're struggling with conflict in your relationship or want to develop better communication skills, our therapists can help.

        Schedule a Free Consultation

        About This Assessment

        This conflict style quiz is based on the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann. The TKI has been widely used since the 1970s to help individuals and organizations understand their conflict-handling preferences.

        While this quiz provides helpful insights into your conflict tendencies, it is a simplified version of the full TKI assessment. For a comprehensive evaluation of your conflict style and personalized strategies for improvement, consider working with a licensed therapist.

        Disclaimer: This online assessment is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose any condition. The results should not replace consultation with a qualified mental health professional.