Sex, Intimacy, and Connection: What Research Shows in 2025
Key Takeaways:
About half of U.S. adults (18–44) report having sex at least once a week.
Age strongly influences frequency:
18–29-year-olds: ~112 times per year (~2x/week)
30–39-year-olds: ~86 times per year
40–49-year-olds: ~69 times per year
By their 60s: ~20 times per year
Sex frequency has declined in recent decades — Americans in the early 2010s had sex about 9 fewer times per year than in the late 1990s.
Young men (18–24) reporting no sex in the past year nearly doubled, from 18.9% in 2000 to 30.9% by 2018.
Relationship happiness is tied to intimacy: Women who had sex once a week reported 85% satisfaction, compared to just 17% for those having sex less than once a month.
Daily emotional intimacy — closeness, self-disclosure, and affection — can boost sexual desire and satisfaction for up to 12 months.
Generational shift: Millennials and Gen Z are having less sex than Gen X and Boomers did at the same age, with many prioritizing authenticity and emotional depth.
Touch matters: Simple gestures like hand-holding, hugging, and cuddling significantly improve body image, sexual satisfaction, and overall relationship wellbeing.
Desire mismatches are common but manageable — open, empathetic communication and non-sexual affection help couples navigate differences in libido.
Introduction
Let’s be real: sex and intimacy aren’t just about physical closeness. They’re vital for relationship satisfaction, emotional wellbeing, and deeper connection. I’m Kayla Crane, LMFT, and in this post I’m drawing from the latest 2025-era research to unpack how couples connect, what’s changed, and how you can foster intimacy in relationships that lasts. We’ll look at how often couples (and married couples) have sex, what makes for satisfying intimacy, generational shifts in sexual behavior, the science of non-sexual affection, and ways to strengthen your bond beyond the bedroom.
How Often Do Couples Really Have Sex?
How often do couples have sex? According to recent data, about half of U.S. adults in their late teens through mid-40s report having sex at least once a week (Los Angeles Times). In a 2016–2018 survey, 46.7% of men and 53.3% of women (ages 18–44) said they had sex weekly or more (Los Angeles Times). Of course, what’s “normal” varies widely.
Age plays a major role in sexual frequency. Kinsey Institute figures show clear age-based averages: 18–29-year-olds have sex about 112 times per year (roughly twice a week), 30–39-year-olds average 86 times a year, and 40–49-year-olds around 69 times yearly (Wikipedia). More recent research aligns with these trends while showing an overall decline in frequency. A 2025 study found people in their 20s still manage roughly 80 sexual encounters per year (about once every 4–5 days), but by their 60s this drops to around 20 times per year (Psychology Today). In other words, we tend to have sex less frequently as we age, and today’s young adults aren’t breaking any records either.
Importantly, Americans of all ages are having less sex now than in past decades. Between 2000 and 2018 alone, the number of 18–24-year-old men reporting no sexual activity in the past year jumped from 18.9% to 30.9% (Psychology Today). And it’s not just that more people are abstaining – even sexually active individuals are having sex less often. One analysis found that Americans in the early 2010s were having sex about nine fewer times per year on average than in the late 1990s (Psychology Today). This decline cuts across genders, races, and religions, suggesting a broad cultural shift.
“There’s no magic number for how often couples should have sex. If you feel like it isn’t happening enough, the most important step is to talk with your partner about what intimacy means to both of you and explore small ways to reconnect.”
The Link Between Sex and Happiness
Frequency isn’t the only piece of the puzzle – quality and emotional connection matter enormously for how sex influences relationship happiness. Recent research highlights a strong connection between an active, satisfying sex life and overall relationship wellbeing. In fact, sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are among the strongest predictors of relationship quality (Decide to Commit). But does more sex actually make couples happier? Several studies suggest yes – up to a point.
One illuminating study out of New Zealand in 2024 found that women who have sex at least once a week report the highest relationship satisfaction. About 85% of women having sex weekly described themselves as sexually satisfied and happy with their relationship, compared to 66% of women who had sex only once a month. And for women having sex less than once a month, satisfaction plummeted to around 17%. That’s a dramatic drop. The takeaway: while every couple is different, in general more frequent intimacy (around once a week or more) tends to align with greater happiness in the relationship.
It’s not just frequency – consistency and mutual satisfaction are key. A longitudinal study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that daily moments of intimacy – like emotional closeness and self-disclosure with your partner – have lasting positive effects on your sex life. On days when couples felt more emotionally connected (through understanding, caring, and sharing feelings), they experienced higher sexual desire and satisfaction and lower sexual distress (PsyPost). Even more striking, cultivating this kind of intimacy had effects that persisted up to 12 months later: couples who reported higher day-to-day intimacy showed greater sexual desire and satisfaction a year down the road. In other words, emotional intimacy fuels sexual happiness. Feeling close and understood boosts desire for both partners, creating a positive cycle that can keep sexual satisfaction high long after the act.
The lesson here is twofold: First, an active sex life (around once a week or more) is often linked with happier couples. Second, intimacy outside the bedroom directly feeds into better sex and contentment inside the bedroom. Regular sex can increase relationship happiness, but so can regular hugs, talks, and quality time, which strengthen the emotional foundation that great sex is built on.
Generational Differences in Intimacy
Despite their reputation for “hookup culture,” younger generations today are less sexually active on the whole than older generations were at the same age. In what some have dubbed a “sex recession,” Millennials and Gen Z report having less sex than Gen X or Boomers did. For example, one study noted the generation with the highest sexual frequency was actually the Silent Generation (born in the 1930s), while Millennials and Gen Z (born 1990s onward) have had the lowest on record. The number of young adults (age 20–24) with no sexual partners since age 18 more than doubled from 6% among those born in the 1960s to 15% for those born in the 1990s. And teen sexual activity has dropped too – the percentage of U.S. high-schoolers who have ever had sex fell from 53% in the early 1990s to 39% by 2017.
Why are young people having less sex? Researchers suggest a mix of factors: more time spent online or on smartphones, more stress and mental health struggles, economic insecurity (living with parents longer or delaying relationships), and a culture that is simultaneously saturated with sexual content yet full of distractions and new forms of socializing. Paradoxically, although casual sex is more socially accepted today, many Gen Z and Millennials are choosier or focusing more on emotional connection than physical intimacy. As one report put it, today’s singles are “doubling down on authenticity and emotional depth” in relationships. The Singles in America 2025 survey (of 5,000 U.S. singles) found that modern daters are embracing emotional depth, challenging outdated norms, and even using new tools like AI to find meaningful connections. Younger adults appear to value quality over quantity – prioritizing mental health, shared values, and emotional intimacy, even if it means less sexual activity overall.
This generational shift doesn’t necessarily mean people are less interested in sex; rather, many are redefining intimacy. For instance, more young couples are openly communicating about consent and boundaries, and some are comfortable in sexless relationships if other needs are met. Older generations, on the other hand, grew up in a time when marriage and cohabitation were more common by one’s 20s, which likely contributed to higher sexual frequency in young adulthood historically. Today, with more people delaying marriage or remaining single longer, the 20s are often less sexually active on average than before. The key for every generation is finding the right balance of emotional and physical connection that works for them – and it appears the younger cohorts are trying to strike that balance in new ways.
The Science of Touch and Affection
A 2025 Kinsey Institute study found that holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and spooning significantly improve women’s body image, mental wellbeing, and sexual satisfaction (News.com.au). The research showed that when women received more frequent affectionate touch, they reported higher satisfaction with both their relationships and sex lives. Similarly, findings published in the Journal of Sex Research noted that small acts of affection like hand-holding and spooning have powerful positive effects on self-image and connection (The Sun).
From another perspective, a Nigerian study found that sexual intimacy promoted forgiveness, reduced tension, and improved health and problem-solving in marital relationships—in fact, about 90% of marital problems were resolved through sexual intimacy (IIARD Journals). The researchers concluded that couples who prioritized physical intimacy tended to communicate better, resolve conflict more easily, and report stronger relationship satisfaction overall.
“If the spark feels off, don’t just push for more sex. Build connection first. Real intimacy starts outside the bedroom, and that’s what makes the bedroom fun again.”
Sexual Mismatches and Relationship Challenges
It’s common for partners to have at least occasional differences in sex drive – perhaps one person wants sex more often or craves different kinds of intimacy than the other. Experts call this desire discrepancy, and research shows that if it becomes pronounced or persistent, it can strain the relationship. In heterosexual marriages especially, studies have found that when one spouse consistently desires sex much more or less than the other, the couple tends to report lower relationship satisfaction and other troubles. High desire discrepancies have been linked to increases in conflict, more negative communication patterns, and even greater relationship instability.
Several factors can contribute to these sexual mismatches. A comprehensive 2025 review noted that communication quality, partner’s health, emotional intimacy, age, and even employment status all play big roles in sexual satisfaction (ResearchGate). For instance, if couples have poor communication around sex, small issues (like differing libidos or preferences) can fester into big problems. Health issues (such as chronic pain, hormonal imbalances, or medications) can lower one’s sex drive and create a gap. Emotional intimacy outside the bedroom is crucial too – if that’s lacking, one partner might withdraw sexually or the other might seek sex as the only form of closeness, again causing disconnect.
The key to managing desire differences is open, non-judgmental communication. Instead of viewing a partner’s lower (or higher) libido as a personal affront, couples can treat it as a joint issue to navigate. Many therapists encourage couples to schedule intimacy or find compromises – for example, increasing other forms of affection if one partner isn’t up for intercourse as often, or the higher-desire partner focusing on quality of sex over quantity. When couples handle desire discrepancy with empathy, it doesn’t have to damage the relationship. In fact, working through it can increase emotional closeness and understanding. But ignoring it, or shaming each other for it, is a fast track to conflict.
How Couples Can Strengthen Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom
In the hustle of modern life, many couples feel their connection slipping or sex becoming routine. The good news is that you can actively nurture intimacy in ways that don’t always involve intercourse – and doing so often ends up improving your sex life too.
Prioritize Emotional Intimacy: Make time to talk openly, share feelings, and listen to each other without distraction. Even 15 minutes of daily “couple time” (without phones or kids) can rebuild emotional closeness. As research shows, daily intimacy habits like empathizing, praising, and checking in on each other lead to higher desire and satisfaction long-term.
Ramp Up the Non-Sexual Affection: Increase the frequency of little touches – hold hands while walking, cuddle on the couch, give more hugs and kisses. These small gestures pay big dividends in connection. Research shows that affectionate touch boosts women’s self-image and relationship happiness, and men often feel more loved through physical affection as well.
Communicate About Sex (and Everything Else): It may not sound sexy, but talking about your sex life is crucial. Discuss what you each enjoy, any worries or insecurities you have, and how your needs might be changing. Open sexual communication helps prevent mismatches in desire and satisfaction (ResearchGate).
Embrace Quality Over Quantity: If busy schedules or parenting have you exhausted, it’s okay to temporarily adjust expectations for sex frequency. What matters most is making the time you do spend together truly count. A few connected encounters each month can be more fulfilling than frequent but routine experiences.
Interestingly, a small number of couples are even choosing to take intentional breaks from sex – and they report it has improved their relationships. By removing the pressure to perform, they refocused on communication and affection. In Australia, surveys found that many couples only have sex 1–2 times a month, and 61% said they want more intimacy (News.com.au).
Finally, don’t underestimate the power of professional help. Couples therapy or sex therapy can be a great tool for any couple that wants to improve communication and closeness. Whether it’s navigating mismatched desire, breaking out of routine, or strengthening emotional connection, seeking guidance is a sign of commitment to the relationship’s health.
Conclusion
Here’s what the data tells us about sex and intimacy in 2025:
Sex frequency is declining – across age groups and even among married couples, people are reporting less sex than in past decades.
Emotional intimacy is a major driver of sexual satisfaction. Studies show that feeling emotionally close (through touch, communication, and trust) boosts desire and fulfillment. In many cases, quality counts more than quantity.
Younger generations are prioritizing emotional connection over physical frequency. Despite stereotypes, Millennials and Gen Z are having less sex than Gen X or Boomers did at the same age, while focusing more on authenticity and emotional depth.
Touch and affection matter as much as sex itself. Even simple actions like holding hands or cuddling significantly improve relationship satisfaction and wellbeing.
Mismatched desire is common but can be overcome. When partners differ in sex drive, open communication and empathy are key to rebuilding intimacy.
If intimacy feels strained or routine in your relationship, know this: you’re not alone. Even small shifts—like more affection, deeper conversations, or seeking therapy—can make a big difference.
FAQ: Sex, Intimacy, and Connection in 2025
1. How often do couples typically have sex?
On average, U.S. adults ages 18–44 have sex about once a week, though this varies by age. Younger couples (18–29) average around 112 times per year, while couples in their 60s average closer to 20 times annually.
2. Does having more sex make couples happier?
Yes, to a point. Research shows that couples who have sex at least once a week report significantly higher satisfaction compared to those who have sex less than once a month.
3. What matters more in intimacy: frequency or quality?
Both play a role, but quality and emotional connection have the biggest impact on long-term satisfaction. Daily moments of closeness, like hugs and open conversations, help sustain sexual desire and relationship happiness.
4. Why are younger generations having less sex than older ones?
Millennials and Gen Z report lower sexual frequency than Gen X and Boomers at the same age. Factors include more time spent online, economic stress, mental health struggles, and a growing focus on emotional depth over casual sex.
5. Can non-sexual intimacy improve a relationship?
Absolutely. Acts like cuddling, holding hands, and affectionate touch boost body image, reduce stress, and increase both sexual satisfaction and overall relationship wellbeing.
6. What should couples do if they have mismatched sex drives?
Desire mismatches are common. Open, empathetic communication and adding more non-sexual affection can help couples navigate differences and find a rhythm that works for both partners.
