15 Warning Signs You're Dating a Narcissist (And What to Do About It)
Have you ever felt like you're walking on eggshells around your partner? Like no matter what you do, its never quite good enough? Or maybe your relationship started out feeling like a fairytale, but now youre constantly questioning your own reality?
You might be dating a narcissist.
I've worked with dozens of people in the South Denver area who've been in relationships with narcissistic partners. The thing that surprises most people is how normal these relationships seem at first. Narcissists dont show up with a warning label. They're often charming, confident, and attentive in the beginning. But over time, the relationship becomes something that slowly chips away at your sense of self.
If youre reading this and thinking "this sounds like my relationship," you're not alone. And more importantly, understanding what you're dealing with is the first step toward getting your life back.
What Is Narcissism Really?
Before we jump into the signs, lets talk about what narcissism actually means. Because its not just someone who takes a lot of selfies or talks about themselves occasionally.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a real mental health condition. People with NPD have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for constant attention and admiration, and honestly, they struggle to care about other peoples feelings. But heres the tricky part - underneath all that confidence, theres usually a very fragile sense of self-worth.
Think of it like this: a narcissist is like a balloon thats constantly losing air. They need you and everyone else around them to keep pumping them up with compliments and attention. And if you stop? Thats when things get ugly.
Not everyone who has narcissistic traits has full-blown NPD. Some people just have tendencies. But whether its a personality disorder or just strong narcissistic behaviors, the impact on your relationship can be devastating.
The 15 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist
1. Everything Is Always About Them
You try to tell your partner about your hard day at work, and within two minutes, they've somehow redirected the conversation to their own problems. Every. Single. Time.
This isnt just being a bad listener. Narcissists genuinely believe their experiences, feelings, and needs are more important than yours. They'll interrupt you mid-sentence, change the subject when you're talking about something meaningful, or just zone out completely when the spotlight isnt on them.
One client in Highlands Ranch told me she stopped sharing good news with her partner because he would either dismiss it or immediately one-up her with something "better" that happened to him. Thats not a partnership - thats a one-person show.
2. They Love Bombed You at the Start
Remember those first few weeks or months? They probably came on strong. Really strong. Constant texts, lavish compliments, talk about your future together after just a handful of dates. They made you feel like the most special person in the world.
That's called love bombing, and its a huge red flag.
Narcissists use intense affection early on to hook you. They create this magical, intoxicating feeling that makes you think youve found "the one." But this isnt real love developing naturally. Its a calculated strategy to get you emotionally invested before they show you who they really are.
The love bombing phase usually lasts 6-8 weeks. Then things start to change.
3. They Cant Handle Any Criticism
Try giving your partner gentle feedback about something small - like maybe they were a little rude to the waiter, or they forgot something you asked them to do. How do they react?
If they're a narcissist, theyll probably get defensive, angry, or turn it around on you. They might say you're "too sensitive" or "always criticizing them." Some will give you the silent treatment for days. Others will explode in anger.
Healthy people can hear feedback, think about it, and maybe apologize or explain their side. Narcissists see any criticism as an attack on their entire identity. Their ego is so fragile that they cant handle even the smallest suggestion that they did something wrong.
4. They Show Very Little Real Empathy
Your best friend is in the hospital. Your dog died. You got passed over for a promotion you really wanted. How does your partner respond?
Narcissists struggle with genuine empathy. They might say the "right" things, but it feels empty. Or they'll get frustrated with you for being upset. Some will actually get annoyed that your crisis is taking attention away from them.
I had a client whose father passed away, and her narcissistic boyfriend complained that she was "too sad" and it was "bringing down his mood." He made her grief about him.
Real partners hold space for your pain. Narcissists see it as an inconvenience.
5. Rules Dont Apply to Them
They speed and laugh about it. They cut in line. They bend workplace rules. They "forget" to pay you back money they borrowed. They flirt with other people right in front of you but insist "its just friendly."
Narcissists have a sense of entitlement that makes them believe they're above normal rules and expectations. What applies to everyone else doesnt apply to them because they're special.
This same attitude shows up in your relationship. They expect you to follow their rules, meet their needs, and accommodate their schedule - but they dont feel obligated to do the same for you.
6. They're Obsessed With Their Image
The selfies. The constant mirror checking. The expensive clothes or car or watch they couldnt really afford. The way they talk about their job title or where they went to school or who they know.
Narcissists are obsessed with how they appear to others. They need to be seen as successful, attractive, important. And honestly, a lot of this comes from that deep insecurity we talked about earlier.
But here's where it gets worse for you - they also view YOU as part of their image. They might criticize your appearance, tell you what to wear, or get upset if they think you "embarrassed them" in front of people. You become an accessory to their carefully constructed image.
7. They Gaslight You Constantly
Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your own reality. And narcissists are masters at it.
You remember them saying they'd be home by 7pm. They show up at 10pm. When you mention it, they insist they never said 7pm - you must have misunderstood. They get so convincing that you start doubting your own memory.
Or they do something hurtful, you tell them how it made you feel, and they tell you "that never happened" or "you're being dramatic" or "you're too sensitive."
Over time, this makes you question everything. You stop trusting your own perceptions. That's exactly what they want - it gives them more control.
8. The Cycle Never Ends: Idealize, Devalue, Discard
Narcissistic relationships follow a predictable pattern:
Idealization: You're perfect. You're their soulmate. They worship you. (This is the love bombing phase)
Devaluation: Slowly, the criticism starts. Nothing you do is quite right anymore. They're distant, irritable, dismissive. But they'll throw in just enough good moments to keep you hoping things will go back to how they were.
Discard: They either end the relationship suddenly and cruelly, or they emotionally check out while still physically present. Often, theyve already lined up their next partner.
The really painful part? They often cycle back. Just when youve started to move on, they come back with promises and apologies (this is called "hoovering"). And if you take them back, the cycle starts all over again.
The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle
Understanding this repeating pattern can help you recognize what's happening and break free
Why This Cycle Is So Powerful
You Can Break Free From This Cycle
If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, you're not alone and it's not your fault. Professional support can help you understand what's happening, validate your experience, and create a path forward - whether that means setting boundaries or planning to leave safely.
Get Support Today9. They Have Few Real, Long-Term Friendships
Pay attention to your partners relationships with others. Do they have close friends theyve known for years? Or do they mostly have:
Work acquaintances they complain about
Old friends they've "outgrown" or had dramatic falling outs with
New friends who dont really know them yet
A trail of "crazy exes" and people who "wronged them"
Narcissists struggle to maintain genuine close relationships because real intimacy requires vulnerability, empathy, and mutual give-and-take. Things they're not capable of.
If your partner doesnt have any close, lasting friendships, thats a warning sign that they cant do the emotional work required for healthy connections.
10. They're Controlling and Jealous
At first, you might have mistaken it for caring. They want to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing. They text constantly when you're out. They get upset when you make plans without them.
But healthy love trusts. This is control.
Narcissists view their partners as possessions or extensions of themselves. The thought of you having your own life, your own friends, your own experiences without them feels threatening. So they try to isolate you and control your movements.
Some do this through angry confrontations. Others use guilt - "I just miss you so much" or "I feel so alone when you're gone." Either way, its about control.
11. They Never Really Apologize
Sure, they might say "I'm sorry" sometimes. But pay attention to how they apologize:
"I'm sorry YOU felt that way" (not actually apologizing for what they did)
"I'm sorry, BUT you did..." (shifting blame)
"FINE, I'm SORRY" (aggressive, not genuine)
"I'm sorry" followed by immediately doing the same thing again
Real apologies have three parts: acknowledging what you did wrong, expressing genuine remorse, and changing the behavior. Narcissists can't do this because it requires admitting fault, which their fragile ego cant handle.
12. They're Always the Victim
No matter what happens, the narcissist is always the wronged party. They got fired? The boss was jealous. Their friend stopped calling? That friend was always "toxic anyway." You're upset about something they did? Actually, YOU hurt THEM and they're the real victim here.
This victim mentality serves two purposes: it protects them from taking responsibility, and it manipulates you into feeling sorry for them even when they're the ones who hurt you.
A client in Parker told me that every time she tried to discuss a problem in the relationship, her narcissistic husband would cry and talk about his difficult childhood. Within minutes, she'd be comforting him instead of addressing her own hurt. Every single time.
13. Your Self-Esteem Has Tanked
When you first met your partner, how did you feel about yourself? Now how do you feel?
If youre dating a narcissist, you probably feel worse. Maybe you question your decisions more. Maybe you feel like you cant do anything right. Maybe you feel anxious and on-edge most of the time. Maybe you dont recognize yourself anymore.
This is intentional. Narcissists need you to feel "less than" so they can feel "more than." They accomplish this through subtle put-downs, comparisons to others, eye-rolls, dismissiveness, and that constant message that you're not quite measuring up.
14. They Have an Extreme Reaction to Stress or Failure
Everyone has bad days. But narcissists have complete meltdowns when things dont go their way.
Didnt get the promotion? They rage for days or sink into depression. Someone disagreed with them? They cant let it go. Minor inconvenience? They act like the world is ending.
And guess who bears the brunt of these reactions? You. They take out their bad moods on you. They expect you to manage their emotions for them. And if you cant make them feel better, well, thats your fault too.
15. Something Just Feels Wrong
Trust your gut. If something feels off in your relationship - if you feel anxious, diminished, exhausted, or constantly on edge - thats your intuition telling you something is wrong.
Many people ignore this feeling because they cant quite put their finger on what the problem is. The narcissist hasnt hit them. They say they love them. From the outside, everything might look fine.
But your body knows. That constant knot in your stomach, the walking on eggshells, the feeling that you're losing yourself - those are all signs that this relationship isnt healthy.
Is Your Relationship Healthy?
Answer 20 honest questions to understand your relationship dynamics
Why Narcissists Act This Way
Understanding why doesnt excuse the behavior, but it can help you stop blaming yourself.
Most narcissists developed this way of being as a response to childhood wounds. Maybe they were never given genuine love and security. Maybe they were overly praised but never truly seen. Maybe they experienced trauma or neglect.
To protect themselves, they built this false self - the grandiose, confident persona. But underneath, theres a scared, insecure person who never learned how to have real relationships.
Here's the hard truth though: this isnt your responsibility to fix. You cant love them enough to heal them. You cant be patient enough or understanding enough or perfect enough to change them. Real change requires them to recognize the problem and do intensive therapy work. And most narcissists never do that.
What to Do If You're Dating a Narcissist
If You're Still in the Relationship:
1. Set and Maintain Boundaries
This is hard with a narcissist because they'll push back hard against any boundary. But you need them. Decide what you will and wont tolerate, and stick to it. When they violate a boundary, there needs to be a consequence.
2. Stop Expecting Them to Change
I know this is painful. But if you stay, you need to accept them as they are right now. Hoping they'll become different is setting yourself up for years of disappointment.
3. Maintain Your Own Support System
Dont let them isolate you. Keep your friendships. Stay close to family. Have your own life outside the relationship. This is your lifeline.
4. Consider Couples Therapy - But Be Realistic
Couples therapy can sometimes help if the person has narcissistic traits but not full NPD, and if they're genuinely willing to work on themselves. But many narcissists use therapy as another way to manipulate - they'll convince the therapist that YOU'RE the problem.
If you're gonna try therapy, find someone who understands narcissistic dynamics. At South Denver Therapy, we've worked with many couples dealing with these patterns.
5. Work on Your Own Healing
Whether you stay or go, individual therapy can help you rebuild your sense of self, set boundaries, and figure out what you really want.
If You're Ready to Leave:
1. Make a Safety Plan
Some narcissists react very badly to being left. Talk to a therapist about how to leave safely. Have a support system in place. If needed, contact organizations that help people leave abusive relationships.
2. Expect Hoovering
They'll probably try to get you back with promises, apologies, love bombing all over again. Remember the cycle. It will just repeat.
3. Go No Contact If Possible
The cleanest break is usually complete no contact. Block them on everything. Dont respond to messages. Every time you engage, you give them hope they can pull you back in.
4. Get Support
Trauma-focused therapy, particularly EMDR, can be really helpful for healing from a narcissistic relationship. You're not just ending a relationship - you're recovering from psychological abuse.
5. Rebuild Your Identity
Remember who you were before this relationship. Reconnect with hobbies, friends, and parts of yourself that got lost. Rebuilding takes time, but it happens.
The Path Forward: Healing After a Narcissistic Relationship
Here's what I want you to know: if you've been in a relationship with a narcissist, the effects can last long after the relationship ends. You might struggle with:
Trusting your own judgment
Anxiety and hypervigilance
Questioning reality
Difficulty trusting new partners
Low self-worth
Confusion about what happened
All of this is normal. You're not broken. You're healing from psychological abuse.
Recovery is absolutely possible, but it usually requires professional support. At South Denver Therapy, we help people in Castle Rock, Highlands Ranch, Littleton, and throughout the South Denver metro recover from narcissistic relationships.
Our therapists understand the unique trauma that comes from these relationships. We use approaches like EMDR, trauma-focused therapy, and specialized counseling techniques to help you:
Process what happened without blaming yourself
Rebuild your sense of self and self-worth
Learn to trust your instincts again
Set healthy boundaries in future relationships
Break the patterns that might make you vulnerable to narcissists in the future
We offer both in-person sessions at our Castle Rock office and online therapy throughout Colorado.
You Deserve Better
If you're reading this and recognizing your relationship in these signs, I want you to hear this: you deserve better. You deserve a partner who:
Listens to you and cares about your feelings
Takes responsibility when they mess up
Supports your goals and celebrates your successes
Respects your boundaries
Makes you feel better about yourself, not worse
Can handle feedback without making you the bad guy
Shows up for you when things are hard
Treats you like an equal partner, not an accessory or possession
That kind of relationship is possible. But probably not with a narcissist.
Getting help doesnt mean you're weak. It means you're ready to stop losing yourself and start reclaiming your life.
If you're in the Castle Rock, Highlands Ranch, Parker, Lone Tree, or anywhere in the South Denver area, reach out to South Denver Therapy. We're here to help you figure out your next steps, whether thats learning to navigate the relationship you're in or finding the strength to leave.
You dont have to do this alone. And you dont have to keep living like this.
Frequently Asked Questions About Dating a Narcissist
Can a narcissist change?
Technically yes, but its extremely rare. Real change requires them to acknowledge they have a problem, commit to intensive therapy, and do the hard work of developing empathy and self-awareness. Most narcissists never reach this point because their whole identity is built on being "fine" - its everyone else who has problems.
How do I know if its narcissism or just normal relationship problems?
Normal relationship problems involve two imperfect people trying to figure things out together. Both people can admit fault, show empathy, and work toward compromise. If one person is always right, always the victim, and never takes responsibility - and if you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells or losing yourself - thats not normal relationship stuff.
Why do I keep attracting narcissists?
This is common and not your fault. Narcissists are often drawn to empathetic, giving people who are willing to work hard in relationships. If you grew up with narcissistic parents or in an environment where your needs came second, you might not even recognize these behaviors as red flags. Therapy can help you break this pattern.
Should I tell them they're a narcissist?
Generally, no. Most narcissists will either deny it completely or use it to play the victim ("Oh, so now I'm a narcissist? You're so cruel to me"). It rarely leads to any productive outcome and often just escalates conflict. Focus on what you need to do for yourself rather than trying to make them see it.
How long does it take to recover from a narcissistic relationship?
This varies for everyone. It depends on how long the relationship lasted, how severe the abuse was, and what support you have. But most people find that with good therapy, they start feeling significantly better within 6-12 months. Full recovery - where you really trust yourself and feel like you again - can take a year or two. Be patient with yourself.
What if we have kids together?
This makes it much more complicated, but its still possible to protect yourself and your children. You'll probably need to maintain some contact, but you can do it with strong boundaries. Consider working with a therapist who understands co-parenting with a narcissist. Document everything, communicate through written channels when possible, and focus on creating a stable, healthy environment for your kids.
Get Help Today
If any of this resonates with you, please dont wait. The longer you stay in a narcissistic relationship, the more it erodes your sense of self. And leaving takes more emotional energy than you might have right now.
Reach out to a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. At South Denver Therapy, we've helped countless people navigate these incredibly difficult relationships and come out the other side stronger and healthier.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation. We offer both in-person and virtual sessions, so you can get help from wherever youre most comfortable.
Your healing journey can start today. You just have to take that first step.
