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Take this free anxiety screening to see how your symptoms compare to common signs of anxiety. It only takes about 3 minutes, and you’ll get instant results—no email or signup required.
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The Relationship Dance Quiz
Discover Your Pattern: Pursuer or Withdrawer?
Understanding Your Relationship Dance
Every couple has a unique "dance" – a pattern of pursuing and withdrawing that shows up during conflict or stress. Understanding your role in this dance is the first step to creating healthier connection patterns.
This 3-minute assessment will help you discover whether you tend to be the pursuer (seeking closeness) or the withdrawer (needing space) in your relationship, and what this means for your connection.
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Download our comprehensive guide with communication scripts, de-escalation techniques, and exercises to create secure connection.
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📚 Browse Our Free Resources Library 📝 Take More Relationship Quizzes 💬 Schedule a Free ConsultationFrequently Asked Questions About Pursuer-Withdrawer Quiz
What is a pursuer-withdrawer pattern?
In distress, pursuers push for talk or answers; withdrawers shut down to reduce intensity. Both are attempts to feel safe, but together they create a chase-and-retreat loop.
How can a pursuer create safety without chasing?
Lead with feelings and one specific request: “I’m anxious; can we talk for 10 minutes about X at 7?” Slow your pace, share one need, and appreciate any engagement.
How can a withdrawer stay present without freezing?
Name your limit and offer structure: “I’m flooded. I can do 10 minutes after I reset.” During the talk, reflect one point you heard before offering your view.
How do we break the cycle together?
Agree on signals for flooding, time-outs with a return time, and short, focused talks. Celebrate small repairs to reinforce safety for both roles.