Common Marriage Problems and How to Solve Them Together

Every marriage hits rough patches. Even the happy ones.

You know what I'm talking about. Those moments when your partner leaves dishes in the sink again, or you're arguing about money at 11 PM, or you realize you've been sleeping on opposite sides of the bed for weeks and cant remember the last time you really talked.

If you're dealing with common marriage problems right now, you're not alone. And more importantly, you're not failing.

Quick Marriage Health Check: How's Your Relationship Really Doing?

Check the boxes that apply to your marriage right now:

0-2 checked: Your marriage is relatively healthy. Keep investing in each other.

3-5 checked: Your marriage needs attention. The solutions in this article can help.

6+ checked: Consider couples therapy in Castle Rock to address these issues professionally.

🤔

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Take our 2-minute quiz to find out if your relationship is in trouble

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Marriage Is Hard (And That's Normal)

Here's something most couples dont talk about: marriage takes work. Real work. The kind that makes you tired and frustrated and wonder if you're doing it wrong.

You're not.

Research shows that all married couples experience challenges. Every single one. The difference between marriages that last and marriages that dont isnt whether problems show up. It's how couples handle them when they do.

Most couples in Castle Rock, Parker, Highlands Ranch, and throughout South Denver deal with the same issues. Money fights. Communication breakdowns. Intimacy struggles. The feeling that you're just roommates raising kids together.

Sound familiar? Keep reading. We're going to walk through the 10 most common marriage problems—what they look like, why they happen, and most importantly, marriage problems and solutions that actually work.

The 10 Most Common Marriage Problems

The 10 Most Common Marriage Problems

Problem Warning Signs Quick Solutions
Communication Breakdown Frequent misunderstandings, feeling unheard Active listening, weekly check-ins
Money and Financial Stress Arguments about spending, hiding purchases Budget meetings, financial transparency
Lack of Intimacy Infrequent sex, avoiding touch Schedule connection time, address underlying issues
Division of Labor Resentment over chores, feeling like a single parent Fair task division, regular reviews
In-Laws and Family Issues Arguments after family visits, boundary violations United front, clear boundaries
Growing Apart Nothing to talk about, parallel lives Regular date nights, shared activities
Unrealistic Expectations Constant disappointment, comparing to others Discuss expectations, adjust together
Trust Issues Checking phones, suspicion, past betrayals Rebuild with transparency, professional help
Lack of Appreciation Feeling invisible, unacknowledged efforts Express gratitude daily, small gestures
Individual Changes Different life goals, personal growth conflicts Support each other's growth, grow together

1. Communication Breakdown

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Frequent misunderstandings, feeling unheard

✓ Quick Solutions:

Active listening, weekly check-ins

2. Money and Financial Stress

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Arguments about spending, hiding purchases

✓ Quick Solutions:

Budget meetings, financial transparency

3. Lack of Intimacy

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Infrequent sex, avoiding touch

✓ Quick Solutions:

Schedule connection time, address underlying issues

4. Division of Labor

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Resentment over chores, feeling like a single parent

✓ Quick Solutions:

Fair task division, regular reviews

5. In-Laws and Family Issues

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Arguments after family visits, boundary violations

✓ Quick Solutions:

United front, clear boundaries

6. Growing Apart

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Nothing to talk about, parallel lives

✓ Quick Solutions:

Regular date nights, shared activities

7. Unrealistic Expectations

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Constant disappointment, comparing to others

✓ Quick Solutions:

Discuss expectations, adjust together

8. Trust Issues

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Checking phones, suspicion, past betrayals

✓ Quick Solutions:

Rebuild with transparency, professional help

9. Lack of Appreciation

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Feeling invisible, unacknowledged efforts

✓ Quick Solutions:

Express gratitude daily, small gestures

10. Individual Changes

⚠️ Warning Signs:

Different life goals, personal growth conflicts

✓ Quick Solutions:

Support each other's growth, grow together

🎯 Which Marriage Problems Should You Fix First?

Not all marriage problems are equally urgent. Here's how to prioritize:

URGENT Address Immediately
  • Trust issues or ongoing infidelity
  • Abuse or safety concerns
  • Active addiction
  • Constant contempt or disrespect
  • One partner considering leaving

Action: Get professional help this week. Don't try to fix this alone.

IMPORTANT Fix Within 1-2 Months
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial stress causing constant fights
  • Complete lack of intimacy for 3+ months
  • Severe resentment building
  • Growing apart significantly

Action: Try the solutions in this article. If no improvement in 3-4 weeks, schedule therapy.

MODERATE Address Within 3-6 Months
  • Division of labor disputes
  • In-law or family boundary issues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Occasional communication problems
  • Feeling unappreciated sometimes

Action: Use the strategies in this guide. Download our free worksheets. Have regular check-ins.

PREVENTION Work on Continuously
  • Maintaining emotional connection
  • Supporting each other's growth
  • Keeping intimacy alive
  • Regular appreciation and gratitude
  • Date nights and quality time

Action: Use the Weekly Marriage Maintenance Schedule above. These are lifelong practices.

Let's break down each of these common marriage problems and how to fix marriage problems before they get worse.

1. Communication Breakdown

What It Looks Like

You try to talk to your spouse about something important, and somehow it turns into an argument. Or worse—they zone out, scroll their phone, or just say "fine" without actually listening.

You might find yourself:

  • Repeating the same conversation over and over

  • Feeling like your partner just doesn't get it

  • Avoiding difficult topics because they always end badly

  • Using texts to say things you cant say face-to-face

Why It Happens

Poor communication is one of the most common marriage problems because nobody teaches us how to do it right. We learn from our parents, TV shows, and trial and error. And most of us learned some pretty unhelpful patterns.

Add stress from work, kids, money, or just daily life, and communication breaks down fast. When you're tired and overwhelmed, you snap instead of talk. You assume instead of ask. You shut down instead of open up.

Solutions That Work

Start with the basics. When you need to talk about something important, pick a good time. Not when someone just walked in the door from work. Not during dinner prep. Not at midnight when you're both exhausted.

Try this: "I need to talk with you about something. Is now a good time, or should we set aside time later?"

Learn to listen without planning your response. Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Repeat back what you heard before you respond. It sounds simple, but most couples in South Denver tell me they've never actually done this.

Our communication exercises for couples can help you practice these skills together. And if you're struggling, couples therapy in Castle Rock gives you a safe space to learn new patterns.

📝 Communication Scripts You Can Use Today

Copy these exact phrases to start difficult conversations without attacking your partner:

Instead of Saying... Try This Instead
"You never listen to me!" "I need you to put your phone down when I'm talking. Can we try that?"
"You always spend too much money!" "I'm feeling stressed about our finances. Can we sit down and look at our budget together?"
"Why don't you ever help around here?" "I'm feeling overwhelmed with housework. Can we talk about dividing tasks differently?"
"You don't care about me anymore!" "I miss feeling close to you. Can we set aside time to reconnect?"
"Your family is driving me crazy!" "I need us to set some boundaries with extended family. Can we talk about what that looks like?"
"We never have sex anymore!" "I miss being physically close with you. What's getting in the way for you?"

💡 Notice the pattern? Start with "I feel" or "I need" instead of "You always" or "You never." This keeps your partner from getting defensive.

2. Money and Financial Stress

What It Looks Like

Money fights are different from other arguments. They cut deeper because they're about security, values, and trust.

You might be dealing with:

  • Arguments about spending or saving

  • One person hiding purchases

  • Different attitudes about money (spender vs. saver)

  • Stress about debt or making ends meet

  • Fighting about who makes more or who controls the money

Why It Happens

You and your partner probably grew up with different money experiences. Maybe one of you saw parents struggle while the other had financial stability. Maybe one of you uses shopping to deal with stress while the other finds security in a savings account.

Financial stress makes everything worse. When you're worried about bills, you're more reactive, less patient, and more likely to see money disagreements as personal attacks.

Solutions That Work

Get honest about money. All of it. Sit down together and look at the full picture—income, expenses, debt, savings, everything. No judgment, just facts.

Schedule monthly money meetings. Thirty minutes to review spending, talk about upcoming expenses, and make decisions together. Some couples in Parker do this the first Sunday of every month. Others pick a weeknight that works.

Agree on spending limits. Maybe anything over $100 requires discussion. Maybe it's $50 or $500. The number matters less than agreeing together.

Give each person "fun money" they can spend without reporting. Even if it's just $20 a month, having some financial autonomy reduces conflict.

And remember: you're on the same team. The money is yours together, even if only one person earns it. Your financial goals should support both of your dreams.

3. Lack of Intimacy or Sexual Issues

What It Looks Like

This is one of the most painful common marriage problems because couples feel shame talking about it. But sexual disconnection happens in many marriages.

Signs include:

  • Weeks or months without sex

  • One person always initiating (or feeling rejected)

  • Mechanical or rushed intimacy

  • Avoiding physical touch altogether

  • Using sex as a weapon or bargaining chip

And sometimes it's not about sex itself—it's about feeling close, wanted, and connected.

Why It Happens

Sexual problems usually aren't about sex. They're about stress, exhaustion, resentment, communication issues, body image, hormones, medication side effects, past trauma, or just getting into a rut after years together.

Life gets busy. You're tired. The kids need something. Work was stressful. And suddenly you realize it's been three weeks and neither of you has even thought about it.

Or maybe one person wants sex more than the other, and that difference creates tension that makes intimacy even harder.

Solutions That Work

Talk about it. Yes, it's awkward. Do it anyway. Ask what's getting in the way. Listen without getting defensive. Share what you need and what you're struggling with.

Schedule intimacy. I know, it sounds unromantic. But for busy couples raising kids in Highlands Ranch or building careers, scheduling works. It gives you both time to mentally prepare and builds anticipation.

Expand your definition of intimacy. Physical closeness doesn't always mean sex. Holding hands, cuddling on the couch, a long hug, giving each other massages—all of these build connection.

Address the underlying issues. If resentment is blocking intimacy, work on that first. If exhaustion is the problem, figure out how to lighten the load. If past infidelity damaged trust, that needs healing before sexual connection can return.

Check out our blog on enhancing sexual intimacy for more specific strategies.

💗 5-Minute Daily Connection Rituals

Small moments of connection prevent big intimacy problems. Pick one to try today:

☕ Morning Coffee Check-In

5 minutes before your day starts. No phones. Just talk.

💋 6-Second Kiss

When you get home or say goodbye. Longer than a peck builds intimacy.

🛏️ Bedtime Gratitude

Before sleep, each share one thing you appreciated about the other today.

🤝 20-Second Hug

Full body contact. Long enough to release oxytocin (the bonding hormone).

📱 Tech-Free Dinner

Phones away. Even 10 minutes of real conversation makes a difference.

💡 Start with just one. Consistency matters more than variety. Once one becomes habit, add another.

4. Division of Household Labor and Parenting

What It Looks Like

This is the "I do everything around here" fight. One person feels like they're carrying the full mental and physical load of running the household while the other person "helps" occasionally.

The partner doing more feels:

  • Exhausted and resentful

  • Like they have to ask for help with basic tasks

  • Unseen and unappreciated

  • Like they're parenting alone even though they're married

The other partner might feel:

  • Criticized and nagged

  • Like nothing they do is right

  • Confused about what needs to be done

  • Defensive about their contributions

Why It Happens

Most couples fall into patterns without discussing them. Someone starts doing more laundry or managing the kids' schedules, and it becomes "their job." Then life gets busier, expectations grow, and suddenly there's a huge imbalance.

Cultural expectations play a role too. Even in 2025, women often end up carrying more of the household and childcare burden regardless of work situations.

Solutions That Work

List everything. Seriously, make a list of all household tasks, childcare responsibilities, mental load items (scheduling appointments, remembering birthdays, meal planning), and emotional labor.

Then divide it fairly. Fair doesn't always mean equal—maybe one person works longer hours so the other does more housework. But both people should feel the division makes sense.

Manage expectations. If you're the one doing more, stop expecting your partner to read your mind. Ask directly: "Can you handle bath time tonight?" If you're the one doing less, step up without being asked. Notice what needs doing and do it.

Some Littleton couples swap primary responsibilities every few months to stay balanced. Others assign specific areas—one person owns kitchen tasks, the other owns laundry and yard work.

The key is talking about it before resentment builds.

5. In-Laws and Extended Family Issues

What It Looks Like

Your mother-in-law criticizes your parenting. Your spouse's family expects you at every holiday. Your parents show up unannounced. Family members take sides in your marriage conflicts.

This creates common marriage problems because you're caught between your partner and your family of origin. Boundaries get blurred. Loyalty gets questioned. And suddenly you're fighting about whose mom said what at Thanksgiving.

🔄 Understanding Your Conflict Styles

Most marriage problems get worse when partners have different conflict styles. Which combination describes you?

Your Combo What Happens Quick Fix
Pursuer + Withdrawer One wants to talk NOW, the other needs space. Creates chase-retreat cycle. Agree on a time limit for breaks. "Let's pause for 20 minutes, then come back."
Exploder + Exploder Both escalate quickly. Yelling, saying hurtful things, dramatic arguments. Use a "time-out" signal before things escalate. Cool down separately first.
Avoider + Avoider Both avoid conflict. Problems never get resolved, resentment builds silently. Schedule "issue discussions." Knowing when you'll talk makes it less scary.
Logical + Emotional One wants solutions, the other needs empathy first. Both feel unheard. Listen FIRST, problem-solve SECOND. Feelings need validation before solutions.
Peacekeeper + Truth-Teller One avoids conflict to "keep the peace," the other is brutally honest. Peacekeeper: speak up sooner. Truth-teller: soften delivery. Meet in middle.

🎯 Pro Tip: Take our free Conflict Style Quiz to discover your patterns. Understanding why you fight helps you fight better.

Why It Happens

When you get married, you're not just joining with your spouse—you're blending two family systems with different expectations, traditions, and boundaries.

Your families have opinions about your marriage, your parenting, how you spend money, where you live, everything. And when your partner doesn't defend you or set boundaries with their family, it feels like betrayal.

Solutions That Work

Present a united front. This is huge. Whatever you decide about family boundaries, stand together. Your spouse should defend you to their family, and you should defend them to yours.

Set clear boundaries. Decide together what works for you as a couple. Unannounced visits? Not okay. Weekly dinners? Maybe too much. Holiday obligations? Let's pick which ones we'll attend.

Then communicate those boundaries kindly but firmly. "We love spending time with you, but we need you to call before stopping by."

Respect each other's family relationships. Your spouse's mom might drive you crazy, but she's still their mom. Don't make your partner choose. Instead, work together to find boundaries that protect your marriage while maintaining family connections.

6. Growing Apart or Feeling Disconnected

What It Looks Like

You're living in the same house but leading separate lives. You don't know what your spouse is thinking about or stressed about. You cant remember the last deep conversation you had that wasn't about logistics or kids.

You might be:

  • Spending most evenings in different rooms

  • Having nothing to talk about besides schedules

  • Feeling more like roommates than romantic partners

  • Wondering where the person you married went

Why It Happens

This is one of the most common marriage problems in long-term relationships. It happens gradually. Life gets busy with careers, kids, home maintenance, and a million other responsibilities. You stop prioritizing connection. You stop asking questions. You stop sharing your inner world.

Years pass, and you realize you've grown into different people without growing together.

Solutions That Work

Prioritize together time. Weekly date nights, even if it's just coffee after the kids go to bed. Time where you connect as a couple, not as parents or household managers.

Ask better questions. Not "How was your day?" but "What made you happy today?" or "What's on your mind lately?" or "What's something you've been wanting to talk about?"

Share new experiences together. Try a cooking class, hike new trails around Castle Pines, learn something together. Novel experiences create connection and give you things to talk about.

Go back to basics. What did you do when you were dating? What did you talk about? What made you laugh together? Bring some of that energy back.

Download our free Couples Journal to guide these conversations.

7. Unrealistic Expectations

What It Looks Like

You thought marriage would be easier. You expected your spouse to meet all your emotional needs, know what you're thinking, or be just like you imagined.

Reality doesn't match the picture in your head, and you feel constantly disappointed.

Why It Happens

Movies, social media, and our own fantasies create impossible standards. We expect passion to stay constant, conflicts to resolve easily, and our partner to instinctively know what we need.

We compare our real marriage to other people's highlight reels on Instagram. We expect our spouse to fill every role—best friend, passionate lover, co-parent, financial partner, therapist, and adventure buddy—perfectly.

Solutions That Work

Get real about marriage. It's beautiful and hard. Passionate and boring. Close and distant. Often on the same day.

Talk about your expectations. What did you expect marriage to be like? What reality surprised you? What expectations do you need to adjust?

Accept your partner as they are. They're not going to become someone different. If you married an introvert, they're not going to suddenly love parties. If you married someone who's not super affectionate, waiting for them to become cuddly will lead to disappointment.

Focus on what's good. Your marriage wont be perfect, but it can be good. Really good. When you stop comparing it to some impossible ideal, you can appreciate what you have.

8. Trust Issues or Infidelity

What It Looks Like

This is one of the most damaging common marriage problems. Whether it's emotional affairs, physical infidelity, lies about money, or broken promises that add up over time—trust issues create constant tension.

You might be:

  • Checking your partner's phone or emails

  • Questioning where they were and who they were with

  • Unable to believe what they tell you

  • Replaying past betrayals in your head

  • Walking on eggshells, afraid to trust again

Why It Happens

Sometimes trust breaks suddenly through a major betrayal. Other times it erodes slowly through small dishonestiesâ€"hiding spending, lying about plans, breaking commitments.

Past infidelity damages trust deeply because it violates the foundation of your relationship.

Solutions That Work

If infidelity happened, you need professional help. Period. This is not something you can navigate alone. Infidelity therapy in Castle Rock provides structure for healing, rebuilding trust, and deciding whether to stay together.

The partner who broke trust needs to:

  • Take full responsibility without excuses

  • Be completely transparent

  • Answer questions honestly, even when it's painful

  • Be patient with their partner's healing process

  • Prove trustworthiness through consistent actions over time

The betrayed partner needs to:

  • Decide if they want to rebuild trust

  • Communicate what they need to feel safe

  • Work through the pain with support

  • Eventually move toward forgiveness (if staying together)

Read our guide on rebuilding trust after infidelity for more detailed steps.

⚠️ Red Flags vs. Normal Marriage Problems

Not sure if your marriage problems are normal or dangerous? Here's how to tell:

Normal (Work on These)
  • Arguments that get resolved eventually
  • Different opinions about money, parenting, in-laws
  • Periods of disconnect followed by reconnection
  • Occasional hurtful words said in anger (then apologized for)
  • Sexual desire mismatches that fluctuate
  • Feeling unappreciated sometimes

→ Try the solutions in this article first

🚨 Red Flags (Get Help Now)
  • Any physical violence or threats
  • Constant criticism, contempt, or belittling
  • Ongoing infidelity or refusing to end affairs
  • Active addiction with refusal to get treatment
  • Financial abuse or control
  • Partner refuses all attempts to work on problems

Schedule therapy or consider safety planning

🤔 In the gray area? When you're unsure, a single couples therapy session can help you figure out if your problems are normal or need immediate intervention. Most Castle Rock couples wish they'd gotten help sooner.

9. Lack of Appreciation or Taking Each Other for Granted

What It Looks Like

You feel invisible. You work hard, contribute constantly, and your spouse doesn't seem to notice or care. They don't say thank you. They don't acknowledge what you do. They expect it all and appreciate none of it.

Meanwhile, maybe they feel the same way about you.

Why It Happens

This common marriage problem sneaks up on couples. In the beginning, you noticed everything your partner did. You expressed gratitude. You showed appreciation.

Then life got routine. Their contributions became expected. You stopped noticing. You stopped saying thanks. And slowly, both of you started feeling unappreciated.

Solutions That Work

Start with yourself. When was the last time you thanked your partner for something? When did you last notice their efforts?

Make appreciation a daily practice. Every day, tell your spouse one specific thing you appreciate. Not just "thanks for dinner" but "I appreciate that you made my favorite meal even though you were tired."

Notice the small things. They did laundry without being asked. They listened when you vented about work. They handled bedtime so you could rest. See it. Say something.

Write notes. Text "thinking about you" during the day. Leave sticky notes. Send a random "thank you for being you" message.

Appreciation is like water for your marriage. Without it, everything dries up. With it regularly, your relationship stays green and growing.

10. Individual Growth or Changes

What It Looks Like

You're not the same person you were when you got married. Your goals changed. Your interests evolved. Your priorities shifted. And now you're wondering if you're still compatible.

Maybe:

  • One person wants kids and the other changed their mind

  • Someone's career took off and changed their lifestyle

  • One partner found religion while the other didn't

  • Someone dealt with mental health issues that changed them

  • Life experiences shifted your values or worldview

Why It Happens

People grow and change. That's healthy. The question is whether you grow together or grow apart.

Sometimes couples get stuck thinking their partner should stay exactly who they were at 25. But we're supposed to evolve, learn, and change throughout life.

Solutions That Work

Support each other's growth. Your partner becoming more of who they're meant to be is good, even if it's different from who they were.

Grow together when you can. Find new shared interests. Learn together. Challenge each other to become better.

Communicate about big changes. If you're thinking about a career change, going back to school, or shifting life direction, bring your spouse into that process early.

Revisit your relationship regularly. Check in about goals, dreams, and values. Make sure you're still moving in compatible directions.

Sometimes growth pulls couples apart. If that's happening, couples therapy can help you decide whether to adjust your paths or acknowledge that you want different things.

⏰ Marriage Help Timeline: When to Take Action

1
Right Now (Week 1)

Start the conversation. "I think we need help with our relationship." Use the communication scripts above.

2
This Week (Days 1-7)

Try the solutions in this article. Download our free resources. Have one honest conversation about what's not working.

3
Next 2-4 Weeks

If nothing improves, research couples therapists. Read reviews. Check insurance coverage. Don't wait longer.

4
Within 6 Weeks

Schedule your first couples therapy appointment. The average couple waits 6 years before getting help—don't be average.

⚠️ Skip the timeline if: There's abuse, active addiction, ongoing infidelity, or you're afraid of your partner. Get help immediately. Call South Denver Therapy or a crisis line.

🤔

Not Sure How Serious Your Problems Are?

Take our 2-minute quiz to find out if your relationship is in trouble

Take the Free Quiz →

✓ Anonymous ✓ No email required ✓ Instant results

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When to Seek Marriage Counseling

Here's the truth: you don't have to wait until your marriage is falling apart to get help.

Couples therapy in Castle Rock helps marriages at any stage—whether you're in crisis or just want a tune-up. In fact, getting help before problems become huge is way easier than trying to fix years of damage.

Consider couples counseling if:

  • You're having the same fight over and over without resolution

  • Communication has broken down and you cant talk without arguing

  • Trust was broken and you dont know how to rebuild it

  • You're considering separation or divorce

  • Intimacy has disappeared from your relationship

  • You feel more like roommates than partners

  • You're dealing with infidelity or betrayal

  • Resentment is building and you cant let things go

  • You want to prevent problems from getting worse

  • Life changes (new baby, job stress, loss) are straining your marriage

You dont have to figure out how to fix marriage problems alone. South Denver Therapy serves couples throughout Castle Rock, Parker, Highlands Ranch, Littleton, and the surrounding areas.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy

If you've never been to marriage counseling, you might wonder what actually happens.

First session, your therapist will want to hear both of your perspectives. What brought you in? What do you hope to get from therapy? What are the main issues?

Then they'll work with you to set goals. Maybe you want to communicate better, rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, or decide if you should stay together.

In sessions, you'll:

  • Learn new communication patterns that actually work

  • Understand each other's perspectives and needs better

  • Practice conflict resolution in a safe environment

  • Work through past hurts and resentments

  • Build intimacy and connection skills

  • Address specific marriage problems and solutions together

Your therapist isn't there to take sides or tell you what to do. They're there to guide both of you toward understanding, healing, and healthier patterns.

Couples therapy typically meets weekly or biweekly. Some couples need just a few months. Others work with their therapist for a year or more.

The length matters less than the commitment. If you both show up willing to do the work, therapy can transform your marriage.

Marriage Problems That Are Red Flags

Most common marriage problems can be fixed with effort, communication, and sometimes professional help.

But some issues are serious warning signs that your marriage might not be safe or healthy:

Abuse of any kind — physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or financial abuse is never okay. If you're being abused, your safety comes first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) provides confidential support.

Active addiction without willingness to get help — if your spouse is struggling with substance abuse or behavioral addiction and refuses treatment, you cant fix the marriage until they address the addiction.

Ongoing infidelity — one affair that's acknowledged and worked through is different from continued cheating or a pattern of betrayal. If your partner keeps lying and breaking trust, therapy cant help.

Complete refusal to work on problems — if one person wont acknowledge issues, attend counseling, or make any effort to improve things, you cant save the marriage alone.

Contempt and disrespect — when either partner shows consistent contempt, name-calling, or deliberate cruelty, the foundation is severely damaged.

If you're dealing with any of these red flags, talk to a therapist individually before couples therapy. Sometimes individual therapy or separation is necessary before couple work can happen.

Self-Care While Working on Marriage Problems

Fixing marriage problems is hard work. It takes emotional energy you might not feel like you have.

Take care of yourself during this process:

  • Maintain connections with friends and family who support you

  • Keep up hobbies and activities that bring you joy

  • Get enough sleep, eat well, move your body

  • Consider individual therapy alongside couples work

  • Practice stress management through meditation, journaling, or exercise

  • Be patient with yourself and the process

  • Celebrate small wins and progress

You cant pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your own mental health makes you a better partner and gives you the strength to work on your marriage.

Strengthening Your Marriage: Prevention Tips

Once you've addressed current problems, focus on preventing new ones:

Schedule weekly check-ins. Fifteen minutes every Sunday evening to talk about the coming week, how you're both feeling, and anything that needs attention.

Protect your couple time. Date nights, weekend mornings together, or daily connection rituals keep your bond strong.

Keep dating each other. Don't stop trying just because you're married. Send flirty texts. Plan surprises. Show affection.

Fight fair. Download our free Conflict Resolution Worksheet to learn how to argue productively without damaging your relationship.

Express gratitude daily. Say thank you. Notice efforts. Show appreciation consistently.

Prioritize intimacy. Physical and emotional connection keeps you close.

Support each other's growth. Encourage your partner's goals and celebrate their wins.

Get help early. Don't wait until you're in crisis. Tune-ups are easier than overhauls.

Keep learning. Read relationship books, listen to podcasts, attend workshops. Growing your relationship skills prevents problems.

📅 Your Weekly Marriage Maintenance Schedule

Strong marriages don't happen by accident. Use this weekly schedule to stay connected:

When What to Do Time Needed
Daily 6-Second Kiss
Morning or when you get home. Longer than a peck builds connection.
6 seconds
Daily Express Gratitude
Say one specific thing you appreciate about your partner.
30 seconds
Daily No-Phone Time
At dinner or before bed. Actually talk to each other.
20-30 minutes
Weekly State of the Union
Sunday night check-in. How are we doing? What's coming this week?
15-20 minutes
Weekly Date Night
Doesn't have to be fancy. Coffee after kids sleep counts.
1-2 hours
Monthly Money Meeting
Review spending, upcoming expenses, financial goals.
30-45 minutes
Monthly Intimacy Check-In
Talk about physical and emotional intimacy. What's working? What's not?
20-30 minutes
Quarterly Big Picture Review
Are we happy? Are we growing together? What needs to change?
45-60 minutes

💡 Pro Tip: Put these in your phone calendar with reminders. What gets scheduled gets done. Download our free Couples Journal to track your progress.

Conclusion

Every marriage faces common marriage problems. Money stress. Communication struggles. Intimacy issues. Feeling disconnected. It's not about whether problems show up—it's about how you handle them together.

The couples who make it aren't the ones without problems. They're the ones who face difficulties as a team, get help when they need it, and keep choosing each other even when it's hard.

If you're dealing with marriage problems and solutions aren't working, you dont have to figure it out alone. Couples therapy in Castle Rock provides professional support for South Denver couples working through challenges.

Your marriage is worth fighting for.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Problems

What are the most common marriage problems?

The most common marriage problems are: communication breakdown, financial stress, lack of intimacy, unequal division of household labor, in-law issues, growing apart, unrealistic expectations, trust issues, lack of appreciation, and conflicts around individual growth. Most couples experience at least 3-5 of these issues at some point.

How do I know if my marriage problems are serious?

Marriage problems are serious if you're experiencing: abuse of any kind, ongoing infidelity, active addiction without treatment, constant contempt or disrespect, one partner refusing to work on issues, or either person seriously considering divorce. These require immediate professional help. Less severe problems that persist despite your efforts to fix them also warrant couples therapy.

Can marriage problems be fixed without therapy?

Yes, many marriage problems can be fixed without therapy if both partners are willing to work on them. Communication issues, minor resentments, and growing apart can often improve with intentional effort, better communication skills, and regular connection. However, deeper issues like infidelity, severe trust problems, or patterns you can't break on your own typically need professional guidance.

When should I seek couples therapy?

Seek couples therapy when: you're having the same arguments repeatedly, communication has completely broken down, trust was broken, you're considering separation, intimacy has disappeared, or you've tried fixing problems yourselves without success. You don't need to wait for a crisis—couples therapy works for preventative care too. In Castle Rock and South Denver, couples therapy typically meets weekly or biweekly.

What causes most marriage problems?

Most marriage problems stem from: poor communication skills, unmet expectations, stress from external factors (work, money, kids), different conflict styles learned in childhood, neglecting the relationship, not feeling appreciated, and simply not having learned effective relationship skills. Life transitions like having kids, job changes, or moving also commonly trigger marriage problems.

How long does it take to fix marriage problems?

Minor marriage problems can improve in weeks with consistent effort. Deeper issues typically take 3-6 months of active work to see significant change. Recovering from infidelity usually takes 1-2 years of healing. The timeline depends on problem severity, both partners' commitment, whether you're in therapy, and how long issues have been building. Quick fixes rarely work for long-term problems.

What if only one person wants to fix the marriage?

If only one person wants to fix marriage problems, the chances of success decrease significantly. You can improve your own communication and behavior, but lasting change requires both partners' effort. If your spouse refuses therapy or won't work on issues, consider individual therapy to determine your next steps. Sometimes one person starting therapy motivates the other to join later.

How much does couples therapy cost in Castle Rock?

Couples therapy in Castle Rock typically costs $150-$250 per session. Many therapists accept insurance which can significantly reduce out-of-pocket costs. Some offer sliding scale fees based on income. Sessions are usually 50-60 minutes weekly or biweekly. While it's an investment, the cost of divorce (emotionally and financially) far exceeds therapy costs. Contact South Denver Therapy for specific pricing and insurance information.

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