Premarital Counseling Benefits: Your Complete Guide to Building a Stronger Marriage
Getting engaged is exciting. You picked out the ring. You said yes. Now you're dreaming about your wedding day—the flowers, the venue, the first dance. But here's something most couples don't think about: what happens after the wedding?
The honeymoon phase fades. Real life kicks in. Dishes pile up. Bills arrive. And suddenly, those cute little quirks become full-blown arguments.
This is where premarital counseling comes in. It's like getting a relationship tune-up before you even hit the road together.
And the research backs it up: couples who complete premarital counseling have a 31% lower chance of divorce compared to those who skip it.
Why Premarital Counseling Works
Source: Journal of Family Psychology & National Marriage Project (2024)
What Is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling is a type of therapy designed to help engaged couples prepare for marriage. It's not about fixing problems—you're not broken. It's about building skills and having conversations that set you up for success.
Think of it this way: you wouldn't run a marathon without training first. Marriage is a long race, and premarital counseling in Castle Rock gives you the training you need.
Most premarital counseling programs run between 5-10 sessions. Each session lasts about 60-90 minutes. You'll talk about everything from money to kids to how you fight.
A licensed couples therapist guides the conversation. They help you discover things about each other you might not have known. They teach you skills you'll use for the rest of your life together.
📋 What Premarital Counseling Typically Includes
The Proven Benefits of Premarital Counseling
1. Lower Divorce Risk
Let's start with the big one. A meta-analysis of 20 studies involving over 10,000 couples found that premarital counseling reduces divorce risk by 31%.
Some studies show even higher numbers—up to a 50% reduction.
Why does it work? Because you address problems before they become patterns. You learn to fight fair before the first big blowup. And you make sure you're actually compatible before you walk down the aisle.
2. Better Communication Skills
The Journal of Clinical Psychology (2024) found that couples who complete evidence-based premarital programs show a 52% improvement in communication skills.
Good communication isn't just about talking more. It's about:
Expressing needs clearly
Avoiding blame and criticism
Understanding your partner's perspective
These skills don't come naturally to most people. Premarital counseling teaches them before you need them most.
Research Finding
Couples who complete premarital counseling do better than 80% of couples who don't attend.
— Carlson et al., 2012 | Colorado State University Research
3. Stronger Relationship Foundation
Research shows that couples who attend premarital counseling do better than 80% of couples who skip it.
That's not a small difference. That means if you go to premarital counseling, your relationship will likely be stronger than four out of five couples who didn't.
You'll understand each other's attachment styles. You'll know each other's triggers. You'll have a plan for handling conflict before it spirals.
4. Higher Marital Satisfaction
The National Marriage Project (2024) reports that modern premarital therapy increases marital stability by 34%.
Couples who attend premarital counseling report higher happiness levels. They feel more connected. They resolve conflicts faster and more peacefully.
A 2022 study found that women who completed premarital counseling reported higher quality of life and greater marital satisfaction compared to those who didn't participate.
"The couples I see who did premarital counseling come back years later saying it was the best investment they made. They have a shared language for working through problems. They know how to repair after fights. That foundation makes everything else easier."
— Kayla Crane, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, South Denver Therapy
5. Earlier Help-Seeking When Problems Arise
Here's something interesting: couples who do premarital counseling are more likely to seek help later if they need it.
Research from PMC shows that spouses who had premarital education were more likely to attend couples therapy when problems arose. They also sought help earlier—before issues became catastrophic.
This makes sense. If you've already had a positive therapy experience, you're not afraid to go back. You know it helps.
6. Better Conflict Resolution
Every couple fights. The question is: how do you fight?
Premarital counseling teaches you fair fighting rules and conflict resolution strategies. You learn to:
Take breaks before things escalate
Avoid the Four Horsemen of relationships (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)
Repair after arguments
Find solutions instead of winners
The Gottman Institute found that couples trained in emotion management reduce their divorce likelihood by about 30%.
🛡️ What Premarital Counseling Helps You Avoid
The Gottman Institute identified four behaviors that predict divorce with 90% accuracy:
Premarital counseling teaches you to recognize and avoid these patterns before they start.
7. Financial Alignment
Money fights predict divorce better than almost anything else. Premarital counseling addresses finances head-on.
You'll discuss:
How you each view money (savers vs. spenders)
Debt you're bringing into the marriage
Financial goals and priorities
How you'll handle joint accounts
Big purchases and decision-making
Getting on the same page about money before marriage prevents years of fighting later.
8. Shared Expectations About Family
Do you want kids? How many? When? How will you raise them?
These aren't questions to figure out after you're married. Premarital counseling helps you explore:
Parenting styles you grew up with
Your vision for your family
How you'll handle disagreements about children
Expectations about extended family involvement
💵 Financial Topics to Discuss Before Marriage
Before the Wedding
- Current debt and savings
- Credit scores
- Spending habits
- Financial goals
After the Wedding
- Joint vs. separate accounts
- Budget responsibilities
- Big purchase decisions
- Long-term planning
💡 Pro tip: Money fights are one of the top predictors of divorce. Getting aligned early prevents years of conflict.
What Topics Are Covered in Premarital Counseling?
Good premarital counseling covers the topics most couples avoid until they become problems. Here's what you'll discuss:
Communication
This is the foundation. You'll learn:
Active listening skills
How to express needs without criticism
Conflict Resolution
Every couple fights. Premarital counseling teaches you:
How to de-escalate arguments
The pursuer-withdrawer pattern and how to break it
Couples therapy exercises for working through disagreements
💬 Communication Skills You'll Learn
Finances
Money is one of the biggest sources of marital conflict. You'll cover:
Spending habits and financial values
Joint vs. separate accounts
Debt management
Savings goals
Major purchase decisions
Family Dynamics
When you marry someone, you marry their family too. You'll discuss:
In-law relationships and setting healthy boundaries
Holiday traditions and expectations
How your families of origin affect your relationship
Intimacy and Sexuality
This is often the hardest topic to discuss, but one of the most important:
❤️ Intimacy Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling
Roles and Responsibilities
Who does what? This sounds simple but causes major friction:
Household chores and division of labor
Career priorities and work-life balance
Decision-making processes
Supporting each other's goals
Values and Beliefs
Your core values shape your marriage:
Religious or spiritual practices
Political views and how to handle differences
Life priorities and goals
Children and Parenting
Even if you've talked about kids, there's more to discuss:
Timeline for having children
Parenting philosophies
How to handle infertility if it happens
Co-parenting approaches (if either has children)
👶 Family Planning Conversations
These questions often get avoided but need answers before marriage:
Timing
- When do we want kids?
- How many children?
- What if it doesn't happen easily?
Parenting
- Discipline approaches?
- Religious upbringing?
- Work/childcare balance?
Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Good premarital counseling prompts conversations you might not have on your own. Here are important questions to ask before you say "I do":
About Your Relationship:
Why are you choosing to marry me specifically?
What does commitment mean to you?
How do you see our roles in this marriage?
About Communication:
How did your parents handle disagreements?
What do you need when you're upset?
How will we handle it if we need a break during arguments?
About the Future:
Where do you see us in 5, 10, 20 years?
How do we want to spend our retirement?
What are your career goals, and how can I support them?
About Challenges:
What will we do if we struggle to have children?
How will we handle it if one of us loses a job?
What happens if we need to care for aging parents?
🔑 10 Questions Every Couple Should Answer Before Marriage
How to Find the Right Premarital Counselor
Not all premarital counseling is the same. Here's what to look for:
Look for Licensed Professionals
Your premarital counselor should be a licensed therapist. Look for credentials like:
LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker)
LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor)
Ask About Their Approach
Good premarital counselors use evidence-based methods like:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Prepare/Enrich curriculum
Ask about their training and experience with couples specifically.
Consider Logistics
Think about:
Location (offices in Castle Rock, Denver, Parker, etc.)
Availability for both of your schedules
Cost and payment options
🔍 Finding the Right Premarital Counselor
✓ Look For
- Licensed therapist (LMFT, LCSW, LPC)
- Experience with couples
- Evidence-based approach (Gottman, EFT)
- Good chemistry with both partners
✗ Avoid
- Unlicensed "coaches" for serious issues
- Someone who takes sides
- Counselors who make you uncomfortable
- One-size-fits-all approaches
Questions to Ask Your Therapist
When you're interviewing potential counselors, ask:
How many couples do you see each week?
What's your approach to premarital counseling?
How many sessions do you recommend?
What topics do you cover?
What if we discover major incompatibilities?
A good therapist will answer openly and make you feel comfortable.
What If We Discover Problems?
Here's an interesting statistic: 10-15% of couples who do premarital counseling decide not to get married.
That might sound scary, but think about it differently: premarital counseling helps those couples avoid a marriage that would have ended in divorce.
It's better to discover deal-breakers before the wedding than after. Some issues that might come up include:
Fundamental disagreements about children
Incompatible values or life goals
If you discover problems, that doesn't mean your relationship is over. Many issues can be worked through with continued couples counseling. But some reveal incompatibilities that are better addressed before marriage.
⚠️ What If We Discover Problems?
About 10-15% of couples who do premarital counseling decide not to get married. This isn't a failure—it's a success. It means they discovered incompatibilities before making a lifelong commitment.
Common issues that surface:
💡 Many issues can be worked through with continued couples therapy. Discovering them early gives you time to address them before the wedding.
When Should You Start Premarital Counseling?
Most experts recommend starting premarital counseling 6-12 months before your wedding. This gives you:
Time to work through any issues that come up
Space to implement what you're learning
Less stress from wedding planning cramming
That said, it's never too late. Even if you're weeks from your wedding, some premarital preparation is better than none. And if you're already married, couples therapy can still help you build the same skills.
The Investment That Pays For Itself
Let's talk about cost. Premarital counseling typically runs a few hundred to a couple thousand dollars total.
Compare that to:
The average wedding cost: $30,000+
The economic cost of divorce: $15,000-$20,000 per couple
The emotional cost of a failed marriage: priceless
Research on state premarital education policies found they prevented nearly 15,000 divorces in one year alone, saving couples at least $221 million in divorce costs.
Your premarital counseling investment is tiny compared to what divorce costs emotionally and financially.
💰 The Investment That Pays For Itself
Premarital Counseling
$500-2K
✓ Investment in your future
Average Wedding
$30K+
One day celebration
Average Divorce
$15-20K
+ emotional cost
State premarital education policies prevented ~15,000 divorces in one year, saving couples at least $221 million in divorce costs.
Common Myths About Premarital Counseling
Myth: "It's only for couples with problems"
Wrong. Premarital counseling is preventive care, like going to the dentist before you have a cavity. The happiest couples are proactive—they don't wait for problems to seek help.
Myth: "We communicate great already"
Maybe you do. But can you communicate well when you're stressed, angry, or hurt? Premarital counseling tests your skills under pressure and teaches you tools for the hard times.
Myth: "We've been together for years—we know everything"
You might be surprised. Even couples who've dated for a decade discover new things in premarital counseling. The guided questions bring up topics you've never thought to discuss.
Myth: "It's just for religious couples"
While many churches require premarital counseling, secular options are widely available. South Denver Therapy offers non-religious premarital counseling focused on evidence-based relationship skills.
🚫 Myths vs. Reality
❌ MYTH
"It's only for couples with problems"
✓ REALITY
It's preventive care—like a wellness checkup before issues arise
❌ MYTH
"We communicate great already"
✓ REALITY
Even great communicators benefit from tools for stressful times
❌ MYTH
"It's just for religious couples"
✓ REALITY
Secular, evidence-based options are widely available
What to Expect in Your First Session
Walking into your first premarital counseling session can feel nerve-wracking. Here's what typically happens:
Getting to Know You: Your therapist will ask about your relationship history, how you met, and what brought you to counseling.
Assessments: Many counselors use standardized assessments (like Prepare/Enrich) to identify your strengths and growth areas.
Goal Setting: You'll discuss what you hope to get from premarital counseling.
Homework: Expect assignments between sessions—conversations to have, exercises to try, articles to read.
The atmosphere should feel safe and supportive. If it doesn't, it's okay to try a different therapist.
Take the Next Step
Your wedding day is one day. Your marriage is the rest of your life.
Investing in premarital counseling means investing in every day that comes after you say "I do." It means fewer fights, faster makeups, and deeper connection.
The research is clear: couples who do premarital counseling have stronger, happier, longer-lasting marriages.
Ready to start building your foundation? Take our relationship quiz to see where your relationship stands. Or contact us to schedule your first premarital counseling session.
Ready to Build Your Foundation?
Your wedding day is one day. Your marriage is the rest of your life. Invest in every day that comes after "I do."
Frequently Asked Questions About Premarital Counseling
How long does premarital counseling take?
Most programs run 5-10 sessions over 2-3 months. Each session lasts 60-90 minutes.
Does insurance cover premarital counseling?
Most insurance doesn't cover premarital counseling since there's no diagnosis involved. However, many couples find it's worth the out-of-pocket investment.
Can we do premarital counseling online?
Yes! Online therapy in Colorado makes premarital counseling accessible from anywhere in the state.
What if my partner doesn't want to go?
This is common. Share the research about the benefits. Explain it's about building skills, not fixing problems. If they still resist, consider how to get your partner to therapy.
Is premarital counseling worth it?
The research says yes. A 31% reduction in divorce risk, better communication, higher satisfaction—the benefits are proven. Learn more about whether couples counseling is worth it.
Does premarital counseling really reduce divorce rates?
Yes. A meta-analysis of 20 studies involving over 10,000 couples found that premarital counseling reduces divorce risk by 31%. Some studies show even higher numbers—up to 50% reduction. The key is that couples address potential problems before they become patterns and learn skills they'll use for the rest of their marriage.
When should we start premarital counseling before our wedding?
Most experts recommend starting 6-12 months before your wedding. This gives you time to work through any issues that come up, space to practice what you're learning, and less stress from cramming everything in with wedding planning. That said, even a few weeks before the wedding is better than nothing.
What happens if we discover we're not compatible during premarital counseling?
About 10-15% of couples who do premarital counseling decide not to get married. This isn't a failure—it means you discovered incompatibilities before making a lifelong commitment. Many issues can be worked through with continued therapy, but some reveal fundamental differences that are better addressed before the wedding than after.
Is premarital counseling just for religious couples?
Not at all. While many churches require premarital counseling, secular evidence-based options are widely available. Licensed therapists offer non-religious premarital counseling focused on communication skills, conflict resolution, and relationship assessments—no religious component required.
What's the difference between premarital counseling and couples therapy?
Premarital counseling is preventive—it helps engaged couples build skills before problems develop. Couples therapy typically addresses existing issues in a relationship. Think of premarital counseling like getting a tune-up before a road trip, while couples therapy is more like fixing problems that have already developed.
How do I convince my partner to try premarital counseling?
Share the research: a 31% lower divorce rate, 52% better communication skills, and relationships stronger than 80% of couples who skip it. Frame it as building skills together rather than fixing problems. If they still resist, explain it's an investment in your future—far less than wedding costs and potentially saving you from divorce costs down the road.
What if we've already been living together for years?
Even couples who've been together for a decade often discover new things in premarital counseling. The guided questions bring up topics you've never thought to discuss—financial values, parenting philosophies, how to handle aging parents. Living together doesn't mean you've covered everything marriage will throw at you.
How much does premarital counseling cost?
Most premarital counseling programs cost between $500-$2,000 total for 5-10 sessions. Compare that to the average wedding ($30,000+) or the average divorce ($15,000-$20,000 plus emotional costs). Research shows premarital education policies prevented about 15,000 divorces in one year alone, saving couples at least $221 million.
Can we do premarital counseling online?
Yes. Online premarital counseling is just as effective as in-person sessions. It's especially convenient for busy couples, those with different work schedules, or couples in long-distance relationships. Many therapists offer video sessions throughout Colorado and other states.
What topics will we cover in premarital counseling?
Key topics include communication skills, conflict resolution, finances (debt, spending habits, joint accounts), family dynamics and in-law boundaries, intimacy expectations, roles and responsibilities, values and beliefs, and plans for children. You'll also take assessments to identify your strengths and areas for growth as a couple.
"I always tell engaged couples: premarital counseling isn't about finding problems—it's about building tools. The couples who do this work come into marriage with realistic expectations and a toolkit for handling whatever life throws at them. That's the real gift you give each other."
— Kayla Crane, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, South Denver Therapy
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About South Denver Therapy
South Denver Therapy provides expert premarital counseling throughout Colorado. Our licensed therapists specialize in helping couples build strong foundations for lasting marriages.
We offer premarital counseling at our offices in Castle Rock, and through online therapy statewide.
Contact us today to schedule your free consultation and start building your marriage on a solid foundation.
📍 Premarital Counseling at South Denver Therapy
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